Lessons in Parenthood- Part 2

We went to Gigglebugs last week. It is one of those indoor jumping, bouncy-house places that are great for young children to expend lots of energy and completely exhaust themselves. Gigglebugs is one of Luke’s favorite places to go, and he ran in, squealing with glee, thrilled to spend a morning at such a fun-filled place. I sat and watched my 3 ½ year old son as he approached other children, tentative at first, but then joyfully bouncing right in the midst of these new friends-for-a-day. All was going well until I noticed that one boy in particular seemed to be picking on Luke. This other child pushed Luke, shouted at him, and taunted him by repeatedly invading the very loose boundaries that preschoolers seem to place on personal space. I glanced around for the other child’s mother, to see if she was also watching our sons, but couldn’t find her. I decided to let the situation play out to see what Luke would do, despite my Mama-Bear instincts which were screaming for me to go rescue my child from this bully.

To his credit, Luke tried to ignore the other boy, but after a few minutes, my son ran to me, distraught, and said, “Mommy, that boy called me a GIRL!”

“Maybe he was confused,” I replied, hoping to diffuse the situation, but also realizing that to an almost 4 year-old boy, being called a girl was terrible, indeed.

Luke continued, “No, Mommy, I TOLD him that I was a BOY, and he kept calling me a GIRL! WHY did he do that?”

I tried to explain to Luke that sometimes people say unkind words. “You can just walk away and play with someone else,” I told him.

“But WHY was he mean to me? I wanted to be his friend!” A tear rolled down Luke's face, and my heart broke. I wiped away the tear, gave my firstborn a kiss, and encouraged him to go back and join the other children on the slide.

Although I put on a brave face for Luke, what I really wanted to do was to scoop up my son in my arms, smother him with love, and take him back to our safe “bubble”, where there are no sticks and stones and hurtful words. I wanted to tell the bully and his mother that age 3 ½ is way too young to have to learn that sometimes people say hurtful things, and that not everyone in the world adores you as much as your mommy.

We got in the car, and for the rest of the day, Luke (who processes many of his concerns and thoughts by repeatedly asking questions) asked, “But Mommy, WHY are some people not nice to me?”

I sighed and longed for just a few more years of wide-eyed innocence. My children jubilantly greet the world each day with loving, eager hearts, and they deserve to be embraced and loved right back in all of their encounters right now. Like any mother, my heart is so full of love for my children that I would do anything to protect them, to shelter them from bullies and broken hearts, and to fight their battles for them.

However, as someone who is extremely sensitive, I KNOW first-hand the importance having a thick skin, and I've consciously worked as an adult to not be so influenced by the “bullies” that we all face as a part of life. It is a continual learning process for me, and because of this, I know how extremely valuable it is to give my children the tools they’ll need to shake off criticism and hurt. I want to teach them the skills necessary to handle life’s inevitable disappointments, to thrive despite obstacles, and to impart to them a clear sense of self-worth and confidence, so that they will grow into strong, successful adults.

I know that as my children grow, we will learn together...the lessons of parenthood and of growing up. There I will be, wearing my heart outside of my body, longing to catch my babies every time they fall, yearning to always kiss their boo boos and shelter them from harm, and yet letting them have the room to grow into who they were meant to be. You see, I know that my children will become confident, independent beings, who will handle the life's challenges beautifully, because they will have the most secret weapon of all: Their mother's unconditional love, which is boundless and steadfast.